you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
