it was like eating out sand paper
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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