She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
