I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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