I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
