the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
