I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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