No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
