If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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