WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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