Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
