Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
