I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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