remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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