He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it's like iHOP with fire
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
