I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
