and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
