Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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