Do you still have your period?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
