I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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