She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
