is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
