Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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