Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
