only you would photoshop your dick
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
