It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
