Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
