I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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