Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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