She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
