I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
