there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
