she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
