the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
