Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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