So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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