Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
