You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
