Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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