You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
