hotel room ftw
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
