I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
