There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
