I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
