Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
