ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
