hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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