i just had sex bonerless
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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