Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
