Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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