RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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